Dealing With Resentment As A First Time Mum


Dealing with resentment.

Today I am digging deep. I really battled whether to share this post or not as is really only something I would normally share with a couple of close friends. It is a struggle that just seems to be front and center in my head and heart right now.  Dealing with resentment.  

Money and freedom are the two main issue I am struggling with when it comes to dealing with resentment lately.

Going from being completely independent, working full-time, supporting myself, doing what I wanted when I wanted, to not having any of my own income, relying on someone else to pay for everything, being house bound most of the time, not having friends or family around, and every minute of my life being ruled and determined by what this brand new tiny human needed, is extremely hard (then lets throw some good old mum guilt in there for good measure). 

This really sounds awful, like I don't like being a mum but that is obviously not the case.

If you have read the rest of my blog you will know that the start of my relationship with Josh to now being parents to our crazy, beautiful, sassy little girl did not happen the traditional way.  We barely even knew each other when I fell pregnant with Eva but we decided to make it work.  Maybe I wouldn't feel so full of resentment about these things if we were married or had been together for a decent amount of time before Eva came a long.  I do think that the way this all happened has impacted the way I am feeling now.  But, who knows.


Dealing with resentment as a first time mama


Basically, I just miss my freedom.

Yes, Josh's life has changed greatly too.  But, it isn't the same and definitely not to the same extent.  He still goes to work, has friends around, goes away for work semi-regularly so gets a break and going away for a weekend with the boys is also an option for him.  Yes, he now has responsibilities greater than himself and his own needs but, life still holds some resemblance of what is used to be.  And, I am completely resentful of that.

I know that this is the way that it will be for awhile and it is not his fault.  He literally cannot breastfeed our baby and I wanted to be home full time.  This was a choice I made.  It made sense practically and financially as he earnt more money than I.  Taking my initial emotional response out of it, I can honestly say that I do want him to be happy and continue to do things he enjoys with his friends, I am not that much of a monster haha.  But, each time he does go away I am constantly fighting back the feelings of anger and resentment.

Just writing this I feel awful and completely guilty. But, surely I am not the only new mother to experience these feelings?

It's not like he is out partying all the time by any means.  He is a great dad, who loves our daughter and me very much.  He does everything he can to provide us with all that we need.  There are definitely things he can work on but I will be the first to say that I am far from perfect (some days I am just a down right grump ALL DAY).  We are both learning together.

Maybe this is just more of a rant and an emotional outburst more than an actual helpful post.  To be honest, I am still right in the middle of learning to deal with this situation and these feelings.  I am sure you have a better insight in to overcoming them that I do. But, for now this is what I am telling myself;


Dealing with resentment as a first time mama


1.| Life has changed. Get over it. Accept it. - OK, not quite that harsh.

I now really feel like you need to take the time to mourn your old life.  Motherhood is not as glamorous as it looks on TV.  It is bloody hard work!  Life has changed.  That is a fact.  

Now, it is about finding the new you.  Learning how to blend your old life with the new.  If you start to get your head in the right space this can actually be really exciting.  I don't know about you, but I am definitely not the same person as before (well, I am but you get what I mean).  So, if I am not the same person then why would my life continue to look the same?  The thing is, I actually don't want it to be exactly the same, I just want to have parts of it.  This will come again.  Your baby won't depend on you 24/7 like she does now (and you will miss that) and you will get to have free time again. So, for now just enjoy your wee babe and settle in for the ride.  Cherish every moment. (Note to self).


2.| Communication

I have never been amazing at communication.  I am getting better but my thoughts and feelings still tend to build up for a few weeks or even months before they finally spill over and I share them.  In saying this,  I am very careful as to how I come across and the words I choose when I do communicate.  I do not want them to be misinterpreted or said in a wave of uncontrolled emotion.  But, if I don't say he won't know.  (We all know this and don't really need to be told).  Men are not mind readers and will not just pick up on what is wrong and know exactly how to fix it.  I am really trying to be open and honest about the way I am feeling at any given time.  He may not be able to do anything about it but you would be amazed at the weight that is lifted just by letting it all out.


3.| Make time for your relationship.  And yourself.

Remember when you spent hours together just hanging out, going on road trips and spending all your free time just having fun with each other? Yeah well obviously that is all a distant memory right about now. It is so easy to let your baby take over every part of your life, especially when they are brand new. Don't get me started on the absolute exhaustion!  But, making time for each other is really important and this is something we are still learning to do. (Actually, we suck at it.  Work in progress).

Find new things to do together and explore some of your own interests now that you spend so much more time at home.  Get creative.  Look on good old Pinterest.  Start a blog - that's what I did. 

If you intentionally work on it, it will get better and you will find yourself in a much more positive state of mind.


Dealing with resentment as a first time mama.


4.| Give it time.

This is a massive change.  You have done and been through a roller-coaster of events and emotions. Life is always going to be different but it won't be like this forever.  Your baby won't need you the way they need you now.  Enjoy these precious moments being home and being needed in such an intimate way. Soon they will be gone.

You will find your rhythm.

You will find your stride.

You will find your place.

You will find you again.


Did you struggle with dealing with resentment?


Sorry if this really does read as an emotional vomit.  But, I really just want to be straight up and honest about my thoughts and they way I am feeling at any given time. I did write this post a wee while ago now so things have changed a bit (for the better) but that is for another post on another day.




All images are by SC Stock Shop.




6 Tips For First Time Dads

6 Tips For First Time Dads

We understand you are working to support us and we love you for it.  We appreciate you for it, even if complete exhaustion doesn’t allow us to always express it.  You may think there isn’t much you can do but you have no idea how helpful you can be. So, here are 6 tips for first time dads to help us in this crazy new adventure.

Please remember, even though we aren’t receiving a pay check, we are working harder than we ever have before.  We are on call 24/7 with no weekends.


1. Look after us

I will point out that we are more than capable of looking after ourselves but sometimes we don’t want to.

We spend 24 hours a day (literally) looking after this wee baby while still doing our best by making sure your basic needs are looked after too (washing, cooking dinner etc).  We actually don’t mind doing this by the way.  As much as it is something that needs doing it is also a way we show you we love you.

But, taking initiative and helping out around the house without being asking will NOT go unnoticed.  Of course, it is still nice when you ask if there is anything you can do but, look around, could the floors do with a vacuum? Are the dishes pilling up?  Is there a load of laundry that needs to be folded?


6 Tips For First Time Dads


Looking after us means you need to….

2. Take control

Take the baby.  You know we are absolutely shattered and would kill for a minute of free time.  Don’t ask us if we want a break, just do it, and send us on our merry way to soak in a nice hot bath, watch some trashy TV,  go out for coffee with a friend or most likely, take a nap.  Better yet, run the bath for us.  Trust me, we will be more than grateful and might just cry (in a good way) because we are so overwhelmed with exhaustion, hormones and emotion.


6 Tips For First Time Dads


To be able to take control you need to….

3. Know our baby

Learn how to:

  • Comfort her.
  • Tell whether she is hot/cold/tired/hungry (and how to fix these).
  • Know what her favourite toys are.
  • Know what to pack in the nappy bag if you go out.

This is a simple list and if you don’t know, ask.  We will be more than happy to show you.  Nothing beats getting in there and giving it a go though.  You will most likely do things a bit differently to us, we may cringe but that is our issue and unless its life threatening we probably just need to take a step back.  Basically, practice makes perfect.


6 Tips For First Time Dads


To get to know our baby you need to….

4. Spend time with our baby

This not only helps us out but we LOVE watching you bond and spend time with this unbelievably cute, pooping, puking bundle of joy we have created together.  There is something about it that makes our hearts melt.  You have no idea how much we love this demanding little creature and to see you loving her too is everything.

If your baby is being nursed, you might think there isn’t a lot you can do.  Wrong.  When they are brand you might only be able to cuddle and talk to them but, apart from feeding, that’s all we actually do too.  When they get a little older they love interaction. 

  • Play with the toys with them.
  • Read books (Eva loves books right now)
  • They are seriously nosy little things so, take them for a walk around the block and explore the neighborhood together.
  • Take them to the park (there are usually baby swings)
  • Talk to them, make funny faces and silly noises, let them grab your face and watch them giggle.  (Eva currently loves to suck on Josh’s nose which I find a bit yuck but like I said previously…if it ain’t killing them let them be).

Bonding with your baby now will set such a good foundation for an even better relationship down the road.


6 Tips For First Time Dads


5. Talk to us

I mean, really talk to us.  Ask how we are going? How are we coping? How are we feeling?  Listen and respond.  I know this isn’t your most favourite of things to do but you know we need it and it means a lot to us.  We also care about the way you are feeling too.

I know it might seem like there isn’t a lot you can do and you aren’t really needed.  The truth of the matter is, it shows you care and that you appreciate us.  Not feeling appreciated will only lead to resentment and that is not a great road to walk.  Maintaining a relationship with a new baby is hard enough as it is.  Doing these few simple things (OK, some of them will take time and effort) will benefit our whole family and you will have played a big part in that.


6 Tips For First Time Dads


Last but definitely not least…

6. Take the photo

When I look through my photos there are soooo many of just Eva or Eva with her daddy. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of Eva and I, apart from the selfies.  As much as I don't particularly enjoy being photographed I would love my life with Eva to be documented.  Not only do I want to be able to look back fondly at the special moments and memories we shared but I would love for them to exist for her and her children to look back on even after I am gone.

So, dads, pick up that phone or camera or whatever and take the shot.  Take the shot when we haven't gotten out of our pajamas, haven't done our hair and are snuggling on the couch with our babes. Take the shot when we are walking hand in hand with our mini-me's down the footpath or along the beach.  Take the shot when we sit and read with our little munchkins as they soak up every bit of information. Just Take The Shot. It will mean so much to us even though we main complain at the time of how awful we think we look.


6 Tips For First Time Dads


We need you, we want you and we love you.

Happy Wife. Happy Life (ha)




Header image by #SCSTOCKSHOP


8 Things To Expect After A C-Section And How To Survive Them - What I wish I would have know.

Post C-Section Survival

If you have read my birth story post you will know that what I planned to be a natural birth took a turn for worst.  Eva’s heart rate dropped dramatically and I was rushed off to surgery to have an emergency C-Section. So, here is my 8 things to expect after a c-section and how to survive them.

Obviously, the true implications of having a c-section were not revealed until the days ahead, when I was not so incredibly drugged up.

WARNING....TMI ahead.

1. Peeing

You will have had a catheter put in (when you are either knocked out, like I was, or still completely numb) which seems kind of yucky but it is actually amazing.  I was a little terrified of moving so not even having to think about getting up to go to go for a wee was great.  If you are worried about them taking it out, don't.  It really isn't as bad as it seems.  Also, once they have taken it out make sure you do pee within the next few hours.  They will ask if you have to make sure it is all working as it should. You do not want them to have to put the catheter back in!

8 things to expect after c-section and how to survive them

2. Get up and get moving

You will be strongly encouraged to get up and walk around the next day (carefully & cautiously).  They want you to move around as it will help with the healing process.  I know it is scary but you will be OK.  Just take it slow.  My nurse made me get up and have a shower.  She had to help me get undressed and dressed again which in everyday life may be weird but, seeing as my dignity was left somewhere far far away I couldn't care less and you will be the same.  Plus, they have done this a million times before and really don't care either.


3. Shower

A shower is a slow process but for me, taking the time to have a shower when baby was sleeping or Josh was cuddling her, made me feel so much better.  Just feeling clean was so refreshing and gave me a little extra energy which I desperately needed (I have never been so exhausted in my entire life!) .  As much as having Josh around and people coming to visit was lovely, having a shower was also a few minutes to be alone which was nice.  You need to take a sec just to clear your head.

8 things to expect after c-section and how to survive them

4. Bleeding

You will still bleed, quite a lot.  WHAT?! I know right, just when you thought there was an upside.  You didn’t even push this baby out of your hoohaa and you still have to deal with the granny panties and the pads that resemble diapers.  Like my midwife explained to me, no matter how you gave birth you have still given birth.  Everything has been removed.  This basically leaves a giant wound in your abdomen which needs to heal so, without going in to too much detail that is what is happening and bleeding is just an inevitable part of the process.


5. Pooping

Laxatives are your friend!  The 20 different kinds of pain meds that you are on are not doing your bowels any favours and trust me, pushing is not something that you’ll want to be doing let alone be dealing with constipation.  Enough said. Moving on.


6. Fear of bursting open

I was promised that it was not possible for my abdomen to burst open from coughing, laughing or going to the bathroom but it sure did feel like it!  Keep a pillow nearby and hold it firmly to your abdomen when you need to cough or laugh.  It will help with the pressure.

8 things to expect after c-section and how to survive them

7. Pain

Keep on top of your pain meds.  You might think you are feeling OK and decided that you don’t need them.  DO NOT be fooled.  You DO need them.  You will regret it if you stop taking them.  It is easier to keep on top of the pain than to try and get it under control again once you have stopped.  Keep a little pad and pen beside you (or keep note on your phone) the times you take each medication.  You will be so tired, groggy from what you are taking and just focused on your new precious bundle that you won’t remember when or what you took last.


8. Let the people help

You will feel useless but that’s OK.  You have been pregnant for nine months, if you are anything like me you have been in labour for the good part of 24 hours, and have just had major surgery.  If that isn't enough to deserve people running around after you I don't know what is!   Your family and friends will want to help and you need to let them.  Yes, you are a new mum and your job just grew exponentially but right now you need to put yourself first and take the time to rest and heal.

Personally, my recovery didn’t take that long but everyone is different.  Listen to your body.  Rest.  Most of all, enjoy being catered to while you can as it is all going to change very soon! Ha.

Hope this helps.



What was your experience of having a c-section? Let me know.


 Being a mum is the most challenging task in the world at times. This is a little reminder to just stop, take a breath and to cherish every moment.

A Reminder To Myself, Cherish Every Moment

I always think to myself, I can’t wait until you sleep through the night because I am sick to death of the never-ending exhaustion. That I can’t wait until I can stop breast feeding because I don’t like that my body isn’t my own anymore. That I can't wait until you are a bit older so I can have more than an hour or two of ‘me’ time because my social life is basically non-existent with you.  But the truth is, every moment with you is precious.  I get a lump in my throat thinking that these moments, (the ones that I can’t wait to end) are the ones that are so sacred to just you and I, WILL one day, soon end.  A reminder to myself, cherish every moment.

A Reminder To Myself - Cherish Every Moment. Sometimes being a new mum is hard.  Don't wish away those moments.  One day you will want them back.  Live in the moment.

The moment when I get up to you during the night and your face turns in to a beaming smile when you see mine. When I start to feed you and you snuggle in to me the way you do only during the quiet hours of the night.  When your little hand escapes from your swaddle and caresses me because you just want to be close.  The way you smile and coo to only me as we sit and cuddle for a few moments when you have finished that night feed.  I will treasure that moment with you which is fast fleeting, even though I can barely keep my eyes open.  A reminder to myself, cherish every moment.

A Reminder To Myself - Cherish Every Moment. Sometimes being a new mum is hard.  Don't wish away those moments.  One day you will want them back.  Live in the moment.

I am always excited to watch you reach the next milestone while I am constantly reminding myself to live in the moment.  You are growing so fast and soon you won’t be my baby girl anymore. Even though your growth will bring its own set of unique moments that I will cherish, there will always be part of me that will long for the precious times that I wished away.  The times where I was all you needed.  The times no one else got but I was blessed enough to share with you.  A reminder to myself, cherish every moment.

A Reminder To Myself - Cherish Every Moment. Sometimes being a new mum is hard.  Don't wish away those moments.  One day you will want them back.  Live in the moment.

I am not perfect.  Sometimes I will fail you and I am so sorry for that.  My dream for you is that you will grow to be strong, independent, caring, compassionate, have your own personal love for God, an absolute passion for life and value your beauty on the inside more than what is on the outside.  I will do my best to help you in all these areas and I will always be beside you in any path you choose to take.  If that path makes you stumble and fall I promise I will be there to help pick you back up.  A reminder to myself, cherish every moment.

You are my unexpected miracle and I am nothing less than blessed to be your mummy.

I love you baby girl,

Your Mumma


(Background header image courtesy of @jennakutcher)


From The Moment You Existed - A Birth Story. When I was pregnant I was obsessed with reading other woman's experience for the tiny insight of what I could expect. Now that I have been there done that, I thought I would share mine.

A Birth Story

I obviously knew what giving birth entailed but I as my due date loomed I was so obsessed with reading other women’s birth stories.  I figure, I can’t be the only first time mum who was completely curious about another women’s personal experience?  So, now that I have been there done that, I thought I would share my birth story.  (Sorry, TMI ahead – Read at own risk).

Due Date: September 18, 2016.

Birth Plan: Go with the flow, but ideally, natural water birth, no epidural, just gas for pain relief. (ha!)

Support People: Josh, Lyndelle (stepmum), Ellyse (cousin/bestie), Jo (Josh’s mum) and Mel my midwife (who is totally amazing by the way).  My dad was in the waiting room, which I wasn't really aware of at the time.

Just a quick side note - I definitely humm'd and harr'd about using these photos.  They are very personal and intimate and tell a story that not many got to be a part of.  A few of them were taken with a phone and under awful fluorescent light so they are not of the greatest quality.  Sorry about that.

D-Day Had Arrived

First off, let me set one thing straight.  Labour and giving birth is NOT like you see in the movies.

September 16, 12:30am was the moment my labour began.  There was nothing dramatic or momentous about it (actually, I was about to give birth to my first child! Of course it was momentous).  What I mean, is that there was no sudden gush of my waters breaking and I wasn’t in the middle of a shopping mall or on a plane or anything like that.

I had planned to have my baby back home in Hamilton, where there was a birthing centre and a hospital less than an hour and a half drive away (the best decision I have ever made, you’ll soon see why).  I had a stretch and sweep a week or so earlier and lost the very disgusting mucus plug that night so thought it was all go.  Wrong.   I was so bored, restless and incredibly uncomfortable!  Josh and I had decided to go and stay up in Auckland with his family for a couple of nights thinking, like a lot of first baby’s, I would go overdue. Wrong again.

A Birth Story - For Eva After

The beginning of my labour.  Apparently this was the perfect time for a family photo (actually kinda cool looking back on it).  So here I am looking completely fine.....

A Birth Story - For Eva After

Reality, shots were being taken in between contractions.  Well, so I thought, but Josh thought it would be a good idea to capture one in full swing.

Cramping woke me up, I went to the bathroom and there was a bit of spotting.  I just knew something was happening.  I took some Panadol and tried to go back to sleep but obviously, I was way to alert, anxious and excited for that to be an option.  Around 2:30am the cramps were getting slightly worse (like bad period pain) and more regular so I woke Josh up and we decided to drive back to Hamilton just in case.

A Birth Story - For Eva After

Me in the tub at the birthing centre with gas ready and waiting.  By the look on my face a contraction had just subsided.  BTW, the water was amazing!

I managed to get a bit of sleep when we arrived back at my parents which was more than welcome.  That morning I planned to go and have lunch at Ellyse’s house as I didn’t want to be just sitting around waiting.  By this time, the cramps were getting quite bad and Panadol wasn’t cutting it.  After a couple of hours of being out, all I wanted to do was go home and hop in to a hot bath which is exactly what I did.  I was definitely at the point where I had to breathe through each contraction.  My midwife was right, you WILL KNOW when you are in labour.  There will be no doubt in your mind.  (In most cases, every woman is different). I KNEW this was it and if it wasn’t, this was some sick and cruel joke! I text Mel to let her know…..

Me: “Morning, just a heads up.  I had that bloody show at about 12:30 this morning.  Cramps started straight away and are definitely getting more and more painful along with constant back ache.  Obviously not sure if she has turned or not.  You’re right about knowing when it’s actually starting.”

Mel: “Haha….. sounds like we are going today, finally!  The back pain will be her position but that’s ok.  Sounds perfect.”

Me: “Haha yay, but kind of not….man it hurts! Haha.  Better suck it up… only going to get worse.  I’ll ring you when I’m dying haha.

Mel: “Sounds like a great plan.”

Looking back, at least I could manage to put some humour in to it, right? Ha.

A Birth Story - For Eva After

At about 3:00pm Mel came over to see how far along I was.  May I just add, when your body is preparing to push a small human out, this is not a pleasant experience. I was two and a half centimetres dilated which meant I had a wee way to go yet, time to settle in for the long haul.  She said I would 'just know' when I was ready to go to the birthing centre and to call her when I was on my way and she would meet us there.

At 6:30pm I was ready.  Holy heck I was ready!!  When they tell you, this is the worst pain you will ever feel in your life, they are NOT kidding.  My back killed like it never had before and I continuously felt like I needed to vomit. I had never welcomed something so much than the breaks between each contraction.  So, in the car and off we went to the birthing centre.  D-Day had arrived.  Was I ready??  EEEKK

Gas and the birthing pool were my best friends at this stage.  They were the two things which gave me some relief.  As much as I was in extreme pain I was coping quite well at this point.  Breathing through each contraction and riding it out.  In saying that, poor Josh got yelled at when he couldn’t quite get the gas in my mouth quick enough.  Josh was completely amazing throughout the whole thing.

A Birth Story - For Eva After

A Birth Story - For Eva After


9:30pm came around and I decided I wanted to know how far along I was.   A whooping five and a half centimetres.  WHAT THE?!!!  This was the point I started to lose it. The birth plan went out the window and I wanted an epidural ASAP. Unfortunately, this meant hoping in a car and going to the hospital.  All I remember is sitting on the edge of the passenger seat sucking on the gas like it was my only life line begging for them to let me take it. There were a few giggles from the nurses (I wasn't joking, damn it!), but obviously, the answer was no.

The good part, I didn’t have to wait long to get the epidural.  The bad part, it didn’t work.  Yup, holding dead still, mid contraction while someone put a massive needle in to my spine was all for nothing.  Safe to say I was not a happy camper.  This is the moment when it all went downhill pretty fast and my memories are blurry from here on in.

A Birth Story - For Eva After

A Birth Story - For Eva After

Suddenly I was being tossed and turned while Mel was explaining that the baby’s heart rate had dramatically dropped and they were trying to get it up.  The emergency button was pushed and in about 20 seconds the room was full of people.  I was checked again to see how far along I was (this time was not so gentle and apparently, there wasn’t even any time for gloves. Ewww ha).  I had only reached seven and a half centimetres.

The words ‘Emergency C-section’ and seeing Ellyse mouth ‘I love you,’ are all I remember as I was pushed out of that room.  Sadly, I had to be completely put under so Josh wasn’t allowed in the room and I didn’t get to see my little girl being brought in to this world.  Thankfully, josh was able to have skin to skin with her as soon as she had been given the OK by the doctors which was almost straight away.

A Birth Story - For Eva After

Seriously, did this moment even happen? ...looking waaay to drugged up.  Do not remember a thing.

I woke up a little while later surrounded by my very emotional loved ones and a baby on my chest.  Apparently, it was a very close call but she was happy and healthy.  The doctors and nurses said she was being a drama queen as they couldn’t seem to find the reason this all happened (a sign of what's to come? Oh I hope not, haha).  All this is extremely blurry as I was still very drugged up.

A Birth Story - For Eva After

Now you can see why my choice to be close to a hospital was the best decision I have ever made in my life?! And, why birth plans should be taken with a grain of salt?  The complete opposite of what I have envisioned played out in the end. But, you know what?  It doesn’t matter.  Yes, I am sad that I didn’t get that moment to hold her in my arms and experience the rush of magical hormones when she was first born.  I am sad that I didn’t get to share that beautiful moment with Josh.  But, she is here.  She is alive.  She is happy and healthy and the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I was all worth it.

A Birth Story - For Eva After

Wish she still snuggled like this.  Shes a nosy little thing now.

Name: Eva Maree

Date and time of birth: 17 September 2016, 10:50pm (or was it 10:55? will have to check my book. Later.  To lazy to get up).

Tips based on my experience:

  • Have at least one amazing support person with you.  I relied on Lyndelle and Josh a lot to get me through.
  • Find the perfect midwife. I can never thank Mel enough.  Her experience, skill and the ability to think on her feet in a bad situation saved my little girl.
  • Make a birth plan and then throw it out the window.  No wait, just kidding.  Don’t throw it out the window but definitely use it at a loose guide and be prepared for it to go completely opposite at any moment.  If you are more open to the ‘go with the flow’ idea, then you will be less disappointed after it is all over.

  Labour is no walk in the park but you were made to do this and it is totally worth it.



Was there anything funny, crazy or scary that happened at your birth? Comment below.


From The Moment You Existed - A Pregnancy Story. When you are pregnant for the first time, other women's experiences become incredibly interesting. You want as much information as you can and to know everything you could possibly expect to happen. Here's my story.

A Pregnancy Story

Boobs had become melons overnight and THEY. WERE. SORE.  As in they felt so bruised it was like they had been used as boxing bags.  They hurt just sitting there doing nothing at all.  Hmmmm, this was not normal.  Come to think of it my period was a little late too.  No, I couldn’t be, could I?  So, I peed on a stick and the story continues….

Pregnancy (cringe).  Personally, I didn’t enjoy being pregnant.  Obviously, there were beautiful, miraculous moments but as a whole it wasn’t for me.

To say that my pregnancy was unplanned is the understatement of the century.  Truth be told, I had only known Eva’s dad for about two months when we found out I was pregnant (I know, I know!!), NOT IDEAL for either of us and definitely not what we wanted at the time. But anyway, what was done was done and we were keeping her.

Just two strangers (basically) diving head first together in to what will be the biggest life changing event we will ever peruse.  How hard can it be… right?


1st Trimester

Fast forward three weeks and I was sick.  SO sick.  I felt like I just couldn’t function.  My diet was limited to spaghetti or baked beans on toast and fruit.  Yup, that was all.  Even the thought of meat or vegetables made me ill and my beloved coffee… I couldn’t even stand the smell (NOOOOO).  Lucky for me the three-month mark also came along with some relief (thank the Lord!).

*Side note:  The first time I vomited was when we were staying in Taupo with Josh's family for his mums’ birthday, this being the second time I had ever met them.  I had to blame it on something I ate but apparently to her it was a dead giveaway.  Typical!

 From the moment you existed - A pregnancy story - first trimester

 9 Weeks.  

FYI not a great time to get a fur baby (who is basically like a toddler) when you are about to start constantly vomiting for the next couple of months.

2nd Trimester

Along came the second trimester.  IT’S A GIRL! I was ecstatic.  I would have obviously loved him just as much if she had been a he but I did have my heart set on a girl for number one.  Other than the gender reveal this stage seems to be a blur.  Nothing was overly horrible, I just went along with the motions.

Every now and then I would jot down notes in my phone about how I was feeling at different weeks….

 “22 weeks yesterday.  Today I am sitting at my desk feeling overwhelmed by how much I love you already.”

“22+3 weeks today.  Reading a book in bed before I go to sleep and you are kicking like crazy!  My belly keeps jolting out in different directions.  You move more and more every day and as much as it gets a little annoying at times (like when I want to sleep) it reminds me that you’re there and that you are happy and healthy.”

 17 Weeks

 3rd Trimester

I am a very petite female. Like, very.  So having this oversized basketball under my shirt looked ridiculous.  The third trimester came with all the usual troubles…. Sciatica, sore feet, sore everything, tiredness, raging hormones (I would literally cry at the smallest thing), I felt like I was going to die from the inferno in my chest called heartburn and just general aches, pains and overall uncomfortable whale like feeling.  Josh caught the grunt of it… all I did was bitch and moan.  (Sorry Josh).

 “28+4 weeks today.  You have made my belly very big and round now.  Your jabs are harder and you love to put your foot under my ribs.  You get the hiccups a couple of times a day.  We are in the last phase and soon enough we will get to meet you.  I can’t wait!  This end stage has also made me very forgetful and very tired again.”

 “36+6 weeks today.  I’m back up staying will Poppa and Della now.  I am more than ready for you to come now.  I love you but you are making me extremely uncomfortable with the constant tightening’s, back ache and heartburn.  Your daddy is back at work and I miss him.  I know he can’t wait until you’re here too.  We had a can a few days ago, and you were 6lb.6oz.”

28 Weeks


34 Weeks - Yes, that is a food stain on my top....big belly always in the way!

37 Weeks

 Pregnancy was about to come to an end and boy was I more than glad.  The waiting game had definitely started….

39 Week.  Josh took me to the movies because I was so sick of being home and just waiting around.  Who knew this would be our last date for a very long time?? (ha).  Oh, sorry for the very poor picture quality.... Taken in the dark using Snapchat.

What was your experience being pregnant like?  I'm definitely interested to find out what you loved or loathed!